People always tell teens that they'll grow out of their awkward phase, that all their acne will clear up once they hit their twenties - right? FALSE. Unfortunately, I am living proof of this, and I have to say, never in my life did I think I would be most self-conscious at twenty-two years old. While others are finally hitting their stride and strutting their stuff, for the past year, I feel like I've been hiding out and hunkering down. When I moved to New York, my poor body didn't know what to do with the drastic change in climate and the immense stress I was experiencing moving across the country, starting a new job with a slew of additional responsibilities, and just starting my grad program at the same time. It felt like every day, I woke up with another breakout, and each night as I said my prayers, I would plead to God to heal my skin. I felt so pathetic praying for something so menial as clear skin, but with my past history of MRSA, any skin irritation or inflammation becomes immensely worse, intensified, and painful. I'm sure any teenager can share that acne plays a huge toll on their psyche as well. And it's true. As if starting a new job in a new town wasn't challenging enough, throw in self-consciousness that is severe enough to make a person reject every opportunity to be social, because it takes every ounce of courage just to leave the house for work. The first six months of living here were incredibly rough. I was desperate to find something, anything that would work to clear up my skin and give me a little bit of confidence back again. I cut out gluten and dairy out of my diet in hopes that maybe a cleanse would help the breakouts. After months of cutting more and more things out of my diet, and still no improvements, I finally made an appointment with a dermatologist. The first words out of his mouth were "your acne is severe, and you're a candidate for Accutane". I started crying on the spot, because I have heard horror stories of individuals who have used Accutane, and had crazy terrible side effects. Part of the reason I put off going to the dermatologist was because I had a feeling this would be his recommendation. Not willing to chance other aspects of my health, I asked for an alternative. He prescribed some creams (some specific to acne, and others to kick any MRSA bacteria that may be lurking around). That infection is a booger, and nearly ten years after my first bout of MRSA, that sucker keeps making things difficult! Finally, I was starting to get some relief, but I wasn't necessarily seeing results as quickly as I had hoped. [Enter Rodan & Fields]. I had contemplated trying the UNBLEMISH regimen from Rodan & Fields for awhile, but was hesitant because of the cost (let's remember, I'm a grad student working at a nonprofit here). BUT, with a 60 day money back guarantee, I thought, why not? It can't hurt to try. And boy, am I glad I did! Just look at my progress in four months already! Today I had my six month follow up with my dermatologist and to hear him say "keep doing whatever you're doing because it's working!" was such an encouragement. I've never felt beautiful before, and have always been more self-conscious of my outward appearance, because I know God calls us to focus on inward beauty instead, but I think that for so long, I felt so ugly that I was tearing apart myself, something that God created. And that is not okay. So my friend, if you are reading this, and you too are embarrassed, or feel self-conscious, it's okay. You're not alone. But please, please remember that you are "fearfully and wonderfully made" (Psalms 139:14).
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Holy smokes! How has it been a year since I've moved to New York already??!! Words cannot even express how quickly this past year has FLOWN by! I guess the saying is true - time flies when you're having fun.
Honestly though, there were some days throughout this year that I didn't know if I was going to make it through a year of living in Syracuse. New York is definitely different than Arizona. Immensely different, actually. New York has a plethora of laws that you have to abide by (including getting an annual car inspection and finding out that window tint is currently now illegal to have on your car)... Although New York has its quirks, I definitely don't see myself living anywhere else anytime soon. I love experiencing the changing of seasons and looking forward to the activities that come along with each: Tulips blooming in spring. Boat rides on the lake in summer. Apple picking in fall. Cozy coats and baking Christmas cookies with the babes in winter. This year has certainly been one of learning, and I am not surprised by that at all. Here are a few of the things I have learned: I learned that sometimes, it's okay to express what you need to feel love and accepted (because people can't read your mind to know that). I learned that sometimes, it's okay (and necessary) to take a mental health day. Seasonal affective disorder is a very real thing, and Syracuse winters definitely don't make it any easier. Sleep and cozy blankets and snuggles with my baby nephew can fix just about anything. Flannel sheets are a real thing and they are WONDERFUL (shout out to Target for fueling my addiction). Friendships can be found at any time, age, or place. Some of the most genuine people I have met in my year here are decades older than me, but I feel as though we have such a fast bond and am so grateful for the wonderful wise mentors that God has put in my life. Cheers, my friends, to New York, to lessons learned, and to another year of learning ahead! |
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As a child, my dream was to become an author, perhaps one day I still will. Categories |